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Posts Tagged ‘aging’

When I came here in September, it was with very specific intentions. Brighton was a step in the right direction, a means to an end. I planned to do my degree and then move to London to work in the publishing industry. I planned to do a lot of things that didn’t work out.

My life has been one of anticipation. I’ve always been waiting for the next stage, the next place, the next step on the trail of something resembling a real life. I’ve always been restless and discontent. I’ve always felt trapped by places, boxed in by circumstance, which only made me want to get out that much more. I don’t feel that anymore.

It could be age. I’ll be 29 next month. Maybe subconsciously I want to Settle Down. Find a relatively permanent place to live where I’m not always straining forward to see what’s next, like an impatient terrier. I’d like to buy furniture. I want to bring my cat over and maybe acquire a few more. I want to get comfortable.

Maybe it’s the people as well. I’ve always thought of myself as a loner, lurking on the fringes of social groups. I am a rock, I am an island. Now I realise that’s probably a load of crap. I like seeing people I know all the time. I like going out and knowing half the people in the room. All the things I’ve been involved with this year, for good or ill, have brought me into orbit with some amazing individuals. I’ve made friends with people that I’m not sure I could bear to leave behind.

There are more things in this city than are dreamt of in my philosophy. I don’t want to go anywhere else. I’ve been spoiled by the juxtaposition of the ocean with parkland. I can get on a train to London and be there in an hour, and by the time I’m sick of concrete and heavy traffic, I’m on the train back home. I can look out the window as it approaches the station and see the hills covered with lights, rows of houses that all lead down to the sea. I can walk home late at night and watch the foxes lope across the grass.

So yeah. I’d like to stay. If that’s okay.

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