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Posts Tagged ‘defying gravity’

new year

Writing about the New Year is a cliché I guess, but I don’t give a fuck. This year is important to me, because my personal crisis more or less began with last December. One year, seven months in exile, god knows how much money, a lot of misery, anxiety, rage, and isolation. I never used to understand why exile was such a horrible punishment. So you have to leave. What’s the problem? I don’t wonder about that anymore.

People kept asking me, what’s so special about that place? Why do you want to go back? Is it so much better than here? It was hard to explain that my attachment to this place isn’t about a list of pros and cons. It’s about my experiences here and the people I know. It’s about the fact that everywhere I go in Brighton, I remember a friend used to live there or that I went to a party there. It’s about the fact that right after I got off the train when I came back to Brighton, I ran into someone I know. It’s about the sea and the stuff that I find washed up from it. It’s about fireworks the night after I came back, the shops that change, and the fact that there’s a big fucking ferris wheel on the beach now, which somehow seems appropriate. It’s about finally feeling that a place is home.

There are things I want to write about America, funny things and sad things and weird things. The place where I grew up is surreal. Brown fields and boarded-up shops and drive-thru nativities. It’s a foreign country to me. This is home, and I hope I never have to leave again.

I don’t usually do New Year’s resolutions anyway, but even if I did, I wouldn’t feel the need to this year. I’m back on track. All things considered, I’m doing pretty well. That’s the thing about feeling as low as you imagine you can go. Things can only get better from there. And they have. And for the first time in a while, I think they’re going to keep getting better.

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